I really don't think of myself as a perseverer (is that a word? The squiggly red line says no) ... the momentum and excitement of starting again only lasts a few days. I really wish I was one of those people that running and fitness comes naturally to. People who can just pick up and run a few miles, without needing to work their way up slowly.
My legs and hip have been achy the last few days. Part of me says, "Don't let it stop you!" and part of me says, "you've been injured before, be wary and don't overdo it!" ... but I've found - time and time again - that it's really hard to tell when aches mean "stop" and when they mean "persevere" ...
I get bogged down my so many things. I like the running apps telling me how far I've gone, even if they can't seem to agree with each other right now. But I get disheartened when they reports the times and splits and I realize that my overall speeds are slower than some people walk. In fact, the first time I started running someone told me that. "I can walk faster than you are running!" ... and while I'm sure it's true, oof, it didn't help. I tell myself that my speeds don't matter, it's DOING it that matters. And some of the time I believe it. I tell myself that even if I'm always slow, I'm okay with that, as long as I keep doing it. And sometimes that's true. I really don't think I ever WILL be fast, with my short little stocky legs ... but I'm not really in this to race anyone but myself.
I get bogged down with people suggesting running isn't for everyone (which is true!) or that there are better forms of exercise, more efficient, more etc. ... whatever. And that's probably true, too. Sometimes I feel lame for *wanting* to run, and my head fills up with overthinking things. Maybe I should do intervals. Again. Maybe i should do weight training. again. Maybe I should mix it up, different exercise every day. Lord knows I own enough videos and equipment to do a variety of things. Running is the only thing I really come back to *wanting* to do, and don't get discouraged thinking about.
And sometimes I do get discouraged about it.
If I can just learn to keep persevering.
Keep shushing the negative voice that has a strong presence in my brain.
Keep trying again, keep not quitting ...
maybe someday it will become a way of life.
